Wednesday, 28 December 2011

On Vulnerability

When I saw the title of this Ted Talk video I was almost shocked because I have such a history of analyzing my own vulnerability, how it came about and how it has shaped me. I have often asked myself and written about it, "Why do people equate vulnerability with weakness?" If you take a look around the internet you will find that vulnerability is a fairly rare subject in psychological studies considering how powerfully it affects us. Wikipedia states "Social vulnerability refers to the inability of people, organizations, and societies to withstand adverse impacts from multiple stressors to which they are exposed." I've learned to view my own vulnerability as a strength of character which allows me to open my eyes and heart to the truth.

Quote from the video: ‎"I know that vulnerability is kind of the core... of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness. But it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love... and I think I have a problem. I need some help, but here's the thing, no family stuff, no childhood shit, I just need some strategies."

I also have this ebook I'm delving into:

I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame ~
Brené Brown [amazon]

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

And so it began (again)

I've created this spot as a place to put my heartfelt meanderings down.

I've had a presence on the web for some time in the trans news and politics arena. Not long ago I lost a large contract in my under employed / self employed world when the client found out I was trans. It wasn't the first time, so I decided to cut my losses and shift my trans web self to an anonymous being. fyi: If you don't know Kahlan, you're def missing out.

I simply need somewhere to bare my emotional soul and connect with a few other trans folk without having to be a real person in the real world.

I haven't tried this before (being anonymous on the web) and I'm curious how it will pan out.

The last few days have been difficult. My front tooth broke right off and I discovered that there was a cavity festering away there undetected by my dentist. So I'm very anxious / afraid / upset about it. On top of that, my 16 year old son is pressing for more and more freedom and detachment, which is terribly difficult for me, although I'm trying not to let him see it too too much. He understands, and yet we both know it's a necessary evil of growing into an adult.

About: I'm 50+, single, live in a small progressive town in BC, have two boys 18 & 16, autostraddle natured, on HRT three years, bottom surgery 2012, play and work with words + synths + pixels + code. I wrote a trans blog for a few years, co-presented Trans101 presentations to women's, Gov't, NGO etc groups locally. I recently lost an important web design contract when the client discovered I was trans, and since I've decided to become anonymous in my web presence.

For me, confidence is what drives me. Try to take it away... forget it, not happening.

That's all for now. I just needed to write that down and pretend someone was hearing it.